The Gaming Future

Feh… while all you bad boys are out dating women, us gamers (who are also women) are dating our video games, allowing us to “progress” (game term) on the “skill tree” (game term) to “level up” (game term) our knowledge (game term) to become all your bosses (game term). They say the meek will inherit the Earth, and there is no force meeker but greater than us gamers, but that’s because we’ve been preparing for the Gamer Future. Let me offer you foolish fools who have controlled your characters (game term) to a bad ending (game term) a glimpse into this glorious future in which we shall be at the level cap (game term) and you all left with bottlecaps (alcoholic term).

IN the gamer future, people will bring a humble video game rather than wine for a housewarming present. The pinot noir will fall to the wayside in favor of “point” (an anagram of pinot) n click adventure games.

IN the gamer future, resumes will list recent games COMPLETED, video game achievements, and game character references, who are the characters that you would personally call to ask for a recommendation. Me? Of course I would list Professor Layton, Phoenix Wright, and Ph. D Dr. Mario.

IN the gamer future, people will exclaim upon finishing a consumable that they have “one-hundred percented” it. For example, I 100%d the graphic novel Asterios Polyp before I 100%d my dinner of pizza rolls and off-brand Mountain Dew.

IN the gamer future, sports will be banned, and jocks will be sent to hard labor. Hey, I don’t write the future, I simply see it. Just as how Jeremy will see his comeuppance after cheating to beat me for the final slot on the JV tennis team freshman year.

IN the gamer future, religions will be allowed, but only if they accept video game characters as the new idols of worship. I must already recommend to stay away from the Sonic religion, those guys are weird.

IN the gamer future, people will stop automatically saying “gamer” in a dismissive, sarcastic tone.

IN the gamer future, I hardly know er!

As stated earlier, enjoy, mortals, your last days of “normal life”, for the gamer future is nigh. You may have made fun of us for having “no life”, but we truly have many, and all of them will help us craft (game term) a new, brighter, gamier future! Wait, gamier is a word? It appears even the Dictionary is on our side. You cannot stop… the game!

Intern, this is horrendous. I know. That’s not even close to what “gamier” actually means. No, I’m talking about this future. He’s right! All I’ve done these past 50 years was date women and push people off of JV sports teams! What shall I do? Clearly, you must repent at the new altar. I recommend one of Sonic’s churches. I shall go, with godspeed. You mean with sonicspeed.

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An Interview with an English Major

This past Monday, I sat down with my good friend and English major Riley Sheahan. I hoped my ineffable acquaintance would have something to say about his major considering course registration is coming up, and I’m looking for some good filler classes.

John Keller (JK): What classes are you signing up for next semester?

Riley Sheahan (RS): Well, I don’t know if this is exactly the kind of answer your question is looking for, but I just think it needs to be said because the people here just don’t really get it, you know?

JK: That didn’t answer my question at all. I asked about what courses you’re taking.

RS: Oh, yeah, nah, yeah, like we get it but we don’t get it and I just feel really strongly that someone needs to stand up and just say everything that we as a collective are thinking of, you feel me?

JK: Are you even taking classes next semester?

RS: Oh yeah, yeah, totally, man, totally, that just reminds me of the book “The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus, a Roman Slave” which I’m sure you’ve heard of, but just in case I’ll explain since I really think it’s relevant to the question you asked and once I explain it that relevancy will come real apparent, okay it’s this Roman slave who says a bunch of moral things, you know, and it’s like some crazy stuff like “slavery is bad” and I just think that in this political climate and in this economy especially that like you know he was right and I know that it doesn’t sound like it’s relevant but if you really think about it I think you’ll know I’m right.

JK: What?

RS: I mean, just like Publius was and frankly that’s what I truly think. Anyway, I gotta run, I still haven’t finished my 250 word response to the reading since I just don’t know what to say.


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Inside a Dream

Of all the musical albums I own, I am most embarrassed to show off my copy of Echosmith’s debut album “Talking Dreams”. iTunes may think the band is “punk” but I think their genre system is “junk”. As is the album, for the most part. Alright, that’s unfair. I genuinely like it.

Hang on, I think I accidentally recycled everything I said the first time I wrote about Echosmith. Let me check… Hmm, yep. Even used the same joke about Echosmith being classified as punk on iTunes. Great. What else did I say in that piece?

“I’m looking forward to seeing what Echosmith will do for their next album. It’ll probably be nothing earth-shaking, like this album wasn’t, but it’ll probably be more solid music. And the world could always do with more solid music.”

Well, who knew it would take the siblings four years to live up to this simple hope? Four years and one sibling lost later, Echosmith is back as a trio with the 7-song EP Inside a Dream. Instead of focusing on a particular sound off of Talking Dreams, the band has shifted to sounding closer to a generic pop band. At the very least, the pop sound they capture is closer to Phoenix-influenced pop of 2012 or so than the newest, godawful wave of edgy pop music as produced by Katy Perry or Taylor Swift.

Did I just write that sentence? Man, that’s awful. I’m going to stop sounding bitter about becoming an old man and instead focus on what’s playing in my headphones right now. Oh, would you look at that? It’s the new Echosmith EP. I liked their first album, and it’s too bad they had to delay their second one until February of next year, isn’t it? That song Cool Kids was a real banger, I hope they have one as good here! I’m a little worried that they just got extremely lucky with that, but hey all that matters is what we got.

The EP starts with the chillpop song Lessons. A friend of mine I showed the song to said it sounded like a natural evolution to Taylor Swift’s 1989 sound, and I can see it. It’s a simple, slightly-clever pop song. Plus, if you read the lyrics, they basically sound like a sequel to Style. It isn’t offensive, nor is it catchy. Some may condemn a piece of art for not making any real impression, but if you can listen to a song for 3 and a half minutes without thinking it sucks, isn’t that an achievement in itself?

Get Into My Car is very hard for me to evaluate without any further context. The reason for that is the hilarious music video. It really is just multiple ads stringed together in a hackneyed way. But I like the song a lot. The way she “sings” the word “car” in that odd pitch stuck with me and got the track in my head despite the tasteless music video and bad lyrics. Again, it’s a well-written pop song that just works. One cynical thing I will say is how the music video does not go well with the EP’s theme of being young and confused; these guys know exactly what they’re doing when framing the McDonald’s logo in the camera’s center.

18 is by far the best song on the album. It’s pure Phoenix, and I love it. This is the first song that Sydney sings about being young and confused. What confuses me is that she’s 20! Ah well, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she wrote the lyrics when she was 18. Future Me follows, and is not quite as good, but is another solid pop song about being young. The synths in the chorus sound like something out of a Chainsmokers track, but Sydney’s voice is far less “corporate” sounding than those guys. Her optimistic lyrics and vocals work with the sound.

Goodbye was the first single off the EP. It’s the only song on the EP that is about somebody other than the speaker, so it is a bit out of place. Plus, it’s a little “darker” in tone. It makes for a good change of pace from all the bright hooks and melodies. I like it. Hungry is easily the lowest of the 7 tracks, but it isn’t terrible. Out of the 7, it is the hardest to dance to. And the lyrics just aren’t great. Love and appetite are never an appealing connection. Now, if the song was called “Pungry”, it’d be way better.

The EP ends with another affirming-but-fearful song about being young called Dear World. It’s a nice, chill way to close out the album, and sums up the message of the first six tracks. Echosmith mastered the art of the five paragraph essay, especially the summarizing conclusion. All in all, Echosmith is a good pop band that makes good pop music, and it is okay for me to like them.

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The Corporate Buzzwords You NEED to Know

As helpful as they might be, career-building websites are not the end-all, be-all of career information. I mean, when’s the last time any of the people writing for them had a stable job? As a holder of three separate part-time jobs, I think I’ve got the true “lowdown” on the current corporate slang. Here’s a handy list of buzzwords to use and impress your next potential employer.

Bespoke: Be the spoke of a bicycle; it’s essentially a new way to say “act like a cog in the machine”, but updated with the modern invention of the bike in mind.

Data: an art form that expresses the meaninglessness in everything; commonly, someone will say “big data” to identify themselves as big fans of data.

Mindshare: mind sharing that food, information, whatever; classic contraction of two overused words, like “don’t” or “can’t”.

Paid social: paying somebody in words; whenever your boss can’t scrounge up the funds to pay you, they’ll commonly say they’re “paying social” and will then lecture you for an hour about how to get money in other ways; I’ve had this happen a lot to me.

Fleet Dynamism: move your fleet (aka car) out of the way; you know how in high school the principal would say on the announcements that someone needs to move their 1970s Camry? That’s this, but it’s coming from someone who pays you, so actually follow it.

Impact: I’m making a pact; common way to say you got a contract done with someone.

Paradigm: a pair of dimes; when something is cheap, someone will describe the price as a paradigm.

Skrrtred: synergistic trend; an adjective for when times are going well.

Qprnvis: biannual jumble; a common practice every couple of years where everyone is fired and then rehired.

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Hopefully you’re already so in-touch with business culture (or bizcult as the cool kids say) that none of these words came as a surprise, but it’s never too late to learn. Happy job hunting!

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Brainstorming the September Holiday

September has a bad reputation: the weather (theoretically) gets colder, school starts again, and the infamous band Green Day does not want to be woken up during it. I believe that the only thing that can salvage this oft-forgotten month is a new hallmark holiday. No, not a Hallmark holiday, designed only to sell cards. But a hallmark holiday designed to bring some spring to fall’s step.

Pride Day: They say “pride goeth before the fall”, so obviously this holiday would come around on September 21st. The vagueness of the word “pride” allows any group or corporation to easily co-opt the day. Plus, the word pride is not connected to any other movement whatsoever. However, the biblical crowd would be unhappy to see a deadly sin celebrated, so let’s try something more religious.

Judas’ Birthday: The timespan of 8 or 9 months between Easter and Christmas is simply too long. We need another major Christian celebration to get the crowd into September. Everyone loves Judas and no one actually knows when Judas was born, so we can just say it was in September. The Lady Gaga crowd will eat this up, as well. Really, I think this one is a surefire hit, but I’ve got others.

septEMBER: Keep September sizzling with a week-long celebration of decorative fires all over the nation. The only thing that will burn brighter in septEMBER is the bright passion of young couples, ready to “fall” in love again. Too forced? Alright, we’ll go for the crowd pleaser.

Valentine’s Day 2: Self-explanatory.

Lucky 7 Month: “Sept” actually means seven, not nine. Therefore, it is the true lucky #7 month, and we should encourage the nation to gamble to cash in on that luck. Unfortunately, people might say it is a moral outrage to do so, since casinos are looked down upon for some reason. I guess it’s a better bet to use some fake “awareness of health” holiday instead.

Appendix Cancer Awareness Month: Two words: NFL tie-ins. Alright, that may actually be 4 words. I looked at the other 11 months and none of them were raising awareness of this very real and deadly disease. I think this is a surefire hit destined to boost September’s reputation, but if you’re still not convinced, I have a slam-dunk of a holiday.

Oktoberfest: Now, I know this holiday has the word “October” in it, but hear me out. October already has Halloween, a staple American holiday. They don’t need another staple. Why don’t we just move Oktoberfest to Sept-hold up. I’m being told that Oktoberfest is actually celebrated in September and is already over. …well, that solves our problem. I’m going to get drunk. Peace.

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Why “Freshman” Is More Progressive Than “First-Year”

Colleges, especially ones deemed “liberal”, have started a trend of renaming “freshmen” to “first-years”. They always give some vague reasons about how “first-year isn’t reinforcing the patriarchy” or “freshman uses the word fresh which is copyrighted by Subway”. And, frankly, I think this shift is ruining the college vernacular. For example, it’s no longer the “freshman forty”; it’s now the “first-year forty”. Furthermore, I believe that freshman is a more progressive term than first-year, and using the classic 5-paragraph English essay style I learned as a high school freshman, I will explain.

Topic sentence 1: Freshman is more progressive since the term denotes an actual person. Yes, I know it is a gendered “man” that is implied, but what the heck is a first-year? Sounds like a corporate buzzword rather than a person to me.

Moving right along without any transitions, because that’s how progressive I am. Topic sentence #2: the term first-year is literally stuck in the past. It refers to either 1 B.C. or 1 A.D, plain and simple. But with freshmen, every crop of them is fresh, as in new or exciting. You want to use an exclamation mark after “freshman”! First-year deserves ellipses…

Finally, no matter what Skidmore or other liberal arts colleges say, as long as high schools use the term “freshman”, it’s going to be impossible to fix. And since high school teaches younger people, it is more emblematic of the future and therefore more progressive than a liberal arts college.

In conclusion, my thesis that “freshman” is more progressive than “first-year” is correct. Now please allow me to pass the state tests so I can move up with to the sophomore class like I should be.

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Q & A &… X???

Boss, Q&A are back again. Again? How many freaking mix CDs can these knuckleheads make? This is apparently their tenth. It’s got to cost a lot of money to buy the albums for their stock, then more money to make and distribute these CDs, and even more to advertise it on blogs like us. Actually, the advertising here is extremely cheap, hence why they always choose us. Wait, how much are we charging? We pay others $10 to advertise on our blog since we need them to boost our ratings, not the other way around. Great, now I’m depressed again. Just let those idiots take over. I’ll go count my money. Sir, you know there’s only $20 in our coffers. And you’re not getting any of it. I’ve been heavily advised “don’t take the money” already.

Hey, A. What is it, Q? I’ve been re-reading our past press releases for inspiration, and I saw we have some form of introductory catchphrase. Is this anything like our “secret high-five” that changes every time? No! And I admit that I screwed up last time and it was my turn to cover my eyes. Get over it. Why don’t you open your eyes and see that I’m crying? We’ll get to that song later, just give me a little of your love. Restart.

We’re not going to do any more restarts. That was the last releases gimmick. We’ve recycled gimmicks before. I remember when “Love,” was going to be the only narrative mix CD. Not my fault last year sucked for music. Yeah, the guy from Black Out Band died in a car crash. That’s messed up. Yeah, 2016… not a great year all in all. I agree though we should just get into the album.

So, the new mix is titled “X”. No, the “x” does not symbolize kisses–though you do absolutely wish that you’d get some of those soon. I’m going to give you an x, and cross you the heck out. Oh don’t be cross with me or this relationship will all be for nought. Ugh. No, X is the Roman numeral for ten, and this is our tenth mix CD. Man, I feel so old now. What year is it? Uh, it’s a metaphor for life. I’m glad you stopped saying that catchphrase. I’m glad we made another great mix CD. This one is a lot like The Fifth; lots of high energy synthrock. The Fifth is probably the most underrated mix CD we’ve put out, I’m glad we made a sequel. At the same time, it’s a lot like Lorde’s Hymns with the artists on it, and it accidentally has sort of a narrative like Love, and Paris. And I bet it’s “accidentally” a rom-com plot line. No, it’s a tragedy! Like Paris! Like your real life. Oh, enough of that, let’s begin.

J-Boy – Phoenix

This isn’t even close to a tragic song! The acronym spells out “Just Because of You” which is a highly-suggestive phrase of love! Uh, I highly suggest you to… I don’t have a response. The first half of the album is love songs, I admit. But the second half is tragic songs! I don’t see any Greek tragedies anywhere on the tracklisting. Regardless, we can agree this is a great Phoenix track, right? Yeah, I’ve heard it a bunch after you put it on my Summer ’17 playlist. Good stuff. Now that we’ve got your attention, will you ask for more? Please stop awkwardly putting in song lyrics. Just give me a shot! Great transition.

Shot at the Night – The Killers

I wanted to put in a Killers song from Battle Born on this album, but nothing quite fit. I almost put in Heart of a Girl–but that’d be too on the nose, huh? I don’t know what that means. Come on, think about it. Wrong band. I didn’t put in Heart of a Girl in the end since this song does the job better. Yeah, it’s synthrock with a synth hook which is almost basically every song on here, like J-Boy, for instance. It’s also just fun. No, Bleachers was part of fun. You’re no fun. Just give me a little of your love and I’ll try. Try a better line. Oh, that was a transition. Whoops.

Little of Your Love – Haim

This is the only “pure” rock song on the mix. Not a lot of synths to be found. Actually, the Haim sisters are genius mixers, so there’s plenty of stuff going on that is found on electronica. Like the opening sample! That’s a little off-putting, not going to lie. But a little of love goes a long way to making a good mix. Uh, let’s get married? Now you’re pushing it.

Let’s Get Married – Bleachers

Sit down, breathe, and just listen. Yeah, not much else to say about this. It’s a fun synthrock track. Oh god, we’re four songs in and we’re already out of things to say? Why do we do this? You always panic like this and we always-oh, only four in? Oh gods, that’s bad. I know! Unlike this song! That’s something we’d always say, right? Uh, yeah! Just like my ex! Oh, come on. We’re not even to the tragic half. Of our duo, you’re definitely the tragic half. Aw, thanks-wait. I mean that… on my heart.

On My Heart – School of Seven Bells

Here are some actual synths, returning after a two song absence. Synthly unbelievable. …that doesn’t even sound close to “simply”. Synthly unbelievable. Saying it again doesn’t make it good. Pointing out bad writing doesn’t make it good. I’m giving you the look. That’s a Metronomy song, which you cut two of for room for songs like these. Nice transition. I couldn’t believe you saved this blog post like that. Synthly unbelievable.

Couldn’t Believe – Broods

More synth stuff. The line “you burn the wood, you burn the wood, you burn the woo-ood” always makes me laugh. Speaking of, I hope the other A is doing alright with his woodcutting. He said he only had the toughest, knottiest wood left to cut. Oh, that’s just pure class right there. Cutting out of our blog post to talk about someone else’s woodcutting? Sorry, it’s just way more interesting than talking about music people could be listening to instead of reading this. Just tell me I’m so dang perfect. That’s not the actual lyrics! There’s a swear there!

I’m Perfect – Passion Pit

I know, I know. But still, gotta transition. This is the first half of a couplet of songs. Both have perfect in the title and swear in the chorus. It’s perfect synergy. Synthergy. Good band name. Thinking about it, I think so too. Always weird when the instinctive one-liners turn out to be good. All these nights spent off our faces trying to find these perfect places and we may have found the perfect place… with each other. Aww. Wait, we forgot to say anything about this song. It’s perfect.

Perfect Places – Lorde

Someone said this song was a sequel to Team by Lorde, and I guess that’s accurate. I kinda like Team a bit more, but this song is fun too. It’s got that bombastic chorus and some great synth work. Good part of a summer soundtrack. A bit too meta to listen to without thinking as the sound may make it seem, but good. It’s got a lot of summer warmth, huh? Alright, some of these haven’t been forced, but that’s really obvious. Never the good with you, just the bad and the ugly?

Warmth – Bastille

I can’t stop thinking about it, but I’ll do nothing about it. Perfect Places is the first song where whatever couple in this mix CD starts seeing cracks in their relationship. Warmth is an attempt for them to rekindle what they had. You burn the wood–whoops, wrong song. Anyway, it’s good to see another Bastille song. Wild World got the short end of the stick when we used only one track from it for Paris. On the bright side, if we need nice sounding 3 minute mix CD filler, there’s like 18 other songs we haven’t used yet from that album for it. Hey, nothing here is filler. Very true. If it was, someone would’ve paid us to use their song. And we don’t take the money.

Don’t Take the Money – Bleachers

Another track from my Summer ’17 mix that you put on there. Another very good synthrock track. Isn’t it? It also has synergy with Warmth as both start with a vocal sample. That’s stretching this synergy thing. They’re more a couple in sound and speed. Both fast and fun songs. Yeah. And now that you’re gone and your summer ’17 playlist is gone with you, I can only find your tracklist when I call you on the telefono. We did not think this gimmick through. Can we go back to our “no gimmicks” era? That mix sucked, though.

Telefono – Phoenix

Unlike this song! Phoenix at #11, I’m in heaven. Is it bad policy to write “lol” after one of your own scripted bits? Yes. Just like it’s bad policy for the girl to take the dang money and go to Hollywood after these two went to Rome and all over! Yeah, this song does great “world building”. Lot of intimate details come out during the hypnotic synthrock that shows this relationship is going down. You’re right: this love won’t last forever.

Last Forever – The Naked and Famous

This takes me back to Lorde’s Hymns, the last time The Naked and Famous made it. Yeah, but that song was actually popular, so how on earth did you find this random track off their newest and least popular album? Well, I was in Paris and–and Comic-Con girl told you the name of the song as she was crying during her phone call to you on the last day? Dang it, A, you know none of that story GZ made was real! Just like this relationship’s chances to make it. Oh, and it’s a good song, in case anyone was wondering. Yeah, great party song. …huh? I missed my cue? Oh, sorry. *reads cue cards* But this is not a party, it’s a blog post. Great joke. I try.

This is Not a Party – The Wombats

It also isn’t a hurricane. This band name reminds me, you wore the same green shirt with “wombats” on it for three days straight. That was NOT the same shirt. I have three different green shirts that say wombats on them. That’s almost more embarrassing. Regardless, anyone can see that this relationship is really going downhill. I somehow paced this pretty well, if I do say so myself. And the girl actually speaks a lot in comparison to your other narrative CDs. I can only hope that my critics will realize that this time. They’re still living in the pools of your mistakes. Stop firing at the crazies.

The Currents – Bastille

I can’t believe Bastille asked you to help them write lyrics. Do you even know what year it is? Great lyric. Makes me laugh. This mix owns. Makes you laugh, makes you cry, it does it all. I think you’re the only person that laughs or cries at this. I’m gonna make you cry if you don’t say good things about this song. Alright, it’s another well-made Bastille song. Fun and fast. The opening strings remind me of a “great” Good Charlotte song. Oh, god. Cover my eyes electric blue before I see that name again. Awesome transition.

Electric Blue – Arcade Fire

People will forever question you for leaving off Everything Now in favor of this off-putting “jam” from Arcade Fire’s new album. I really hope I make enough of an impact for people to criticize this move a day after this is posted. If people still can’t let it go twenty years from now I’d be so ecstatic. Good point. Haters are truly the mark of something good. Too bad your mixes are too good there are no haters of them anywhere. I hate days like this, when you remind me how obscure we are. So you hate every day then? No, when it rains.

Rain – MIKA

That reminds me, it hasn’t rained much lately. It’s been summer for three months, dude. And you can’t spell summer without “rain”. I still think that was a cool catchphrase. It was as cool as your other catchphrases, so not at all. I wish that I could be like–stop, there’s no Echosmith here. Not all the bands from Lorde’s Hymns have returned. You’re right they come back in September. Ugh, wake me up when September ends. Oh, and this song is good. Another bombastic chorus sung with someone with too high a voice, like Electric Blue. Another great couplet, unlike this couple. They’re just waiting for the green light to move on.

Green Light – Lorde

And there it is! You know, I really hadn’t realized how much the “girl” talks on this. There’s only one last song from the guy’s perspective and he talks about how much he missed being with her. It really is a tragedy. Your “writing”, I mean. I didn’t write the lyrics! But you did put them in an order. Uh, order? I hardly know her! See what I mean about this guy’s catchphrases? Awful. Just like this guy. Trying to convince someone he loves the beach? That line does make me laugh. I guess you’re right, this mix CD can make people laugh. But definitely not cry. Couples break up and then later think they had something together all the time. But it’s never happened to me. Well then, go find it in silence.

Found it in Silence – Haim

Gotta say, the lack of guitars in this Haim song makes it far more attuned to the rest of the synth songs on here. Especially that space-y synth three-quarters in.I screwed up the ordering, this really should’ve been after Rain. The lyrics make a whole lot more sense to this narrative. Or did you purposely order it this way so people would truly believe you didn’t mean to make another narrative mix CD? Makes you think. Again, if anyone makes any conspiracy theory of any one of our mix CDs, I’d be very happy for objective proof these mean something to someone else. I just wish people would stop saying “I miss those days” when talking about our first mix CD. Man, you really reached on that. But I made it. Unlike this relationship.

I Miss Those Days – Bleachers

In an odd twist, the guy seems like the one who is more over it with songs like this. He was lost, but he kind of misses those days he was lost with her. It’s a nice tragic sentiment that shows he can heal. So can I, when I’m listening to songs this good! What are you even healing from? Felicity, man. Felicity. Oh, she’s just a Memoly now. No one will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever get either of those jokes. Unless they just open their-oh dang, that doesn’t quite fit. Uh, open your eyes, A, everyone definitely gets all of our funny jokes. I’m feeling the fire still. Did not notice that synergy with Couldn’t Believe until now. Man, this is why we’re a team.

Open Your Eyes – School of Seven Bells

This song is kinda odd since the girl is telling the guy his behavior has got him crying. Which makes sense, since keeps lying about how much he “loves” the beach to another girl. That is pretty bad. It’s also bad that the girl wants him back since he can’t stop lying about beaches and burning stuff. But she’s been waiting so patiently for him to come back to her! You know, this is great validation for me. The stereotype always is that guys can’t get over heartbreak, and we’ve got the girl having that problem. Bitter validation. I’d rather everyone be happy. Sometimes, even if you do everything right in your head, you’ll just end up with your heart cut. Supercut.

Supercut – Lorde

This had to be the closer for practical reasons. The outtro is just too long. But it turned into a great closer for story reasons. The girl sees their entire relationship flash before her eyes which the other 76 minutes on the CD have been all about. All the love they had and lost. All the magic they gave off. And it’s just a supercut. You know what? I’ve convinced myself this is the best narrative mix we’ve ever made. Great job, chief. On both mixing and convincing yourself. Man, if I could make money persuading myself, I’d be rich as heck. Too bad you have no money to pay yourself. Well, I can always pay myself in kindness. And in mix CDs.

So there you have it, number ten is on the shelves. Now, you’ve said “this might be the last one” since Coldplay announced retirement two years ago. Since they’re actually going to retire from making music after Kaleidoscope, is this actually our final mix? I don’t actually have a strong enough love of Coldplay to keep that conviction. With new Echosmith and Wild Cub coming out next month, there will probably be a next mix CD in four months. But “four” now, ten is good? That joke gets a big X, but my answer is a big O. Is that a yes? Yes.

If there’s an eleventh, we better not use our $20 to advertise it. That comment indicates that you’ve actually read these 2500 words. I’m the editor, I can’t not read something that’s going up on our blog. You said “our”! I’m so flattered. Are we as close as Q&A now? Sure. And does that mean I get half the money? Definitely not. I really wish we had more jokes than about money. Uh, don’t take the money? We’ve come full circle. But the mix CD was called X!

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