There are TWO fun. Albums


Some nights, I stay up cursing my bad luck that the supergroup band fun. broke up years ago. These guys were absolute stars for the great year of 2012, when we still had President Obama and everything felt all alright. But then, they did break up, and left us all alone. I cursed myself saying “why am I the one” and tried to carry on, I’ve sorely missed the indie pop group that always made it great to go out on the town. Then I realized that it gets better, because fun. actually has released two albums.

That’s right, those mad geniuses of pop (who deserved the Pulitzer Prize for music way before Kendrick Lamar), pushed out their debut album Aim and Ignite back in 2009. I wanna be the one to tell you that it is just as good if not better than Some Nights. I first put it on when I was walking the dog away from all the barlights on Saturday night.

It was an incredible walk; one foot after the other started flying, and I could not tell myself to be calm enough. All the pretty girls I walked by looked at me like I was crazy, but all I wanted to ask them was if they wanted to light a Roman candle with me. They only wanted to light their Benson Hedges. All I can say is that at least I’m not as sad as I used to be because I found out there are two fun. albums. I’m not going to be the gambler that bets they’ll be back anytime soon for a third album, but I, and the rest of the world, am ready to scream We Are Young once more.

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Cool April Fool’s Day Pranks to Pull on Your Housemate!


April Fool’s Day is here, and it’s time to start the pranks! Here’s a list of sick pranks that are sure to piss your housemate or roommate off!

Spoil the Plots of New TV Shows and Movies in Conversation! Your roommate may not have seen Black Panther or Ready Player One, but boy is he about to hear all about it when you bring it up at absolutely random times! Even something as bland as “What’s up, dude” just naturally flows right into “Rosebud is the name of his sled”! Dude-tacular prank, broski!

Pretend to Never Hear What They Say! You can spoil every conversation by no-selling whatever the heck that talking head just said! You don’t even need to wear headphones, but man does it make it more plausible, especially when that dang knucklehead is yelling at you to do obnoxious, anti-radical things like “do your dishes”! Speaking of which!

Never Do Your Dishes! A closely related sick prank is to never take out the trash! And don’t forget to forget your laundry and let that lie around as well! Leaving out dirty stuff for other people to deal with because they’re your slave is an awesome prank to do! Only the best housemates do this!

Consistently Remind Them You Have a Girlfriend and They Don’t! You don’t even need to have a girlfriend to pull this one off! You can just pretend to call someone every night, talk on the phone with them for an hour, and then continually say it’s a long distance relationship! No one will ever get suspicious, but it’ll get on your roommate’s nerves! PRANKED!

Drink your roommate’s Mountain Dew! Man, don’t we all just love the sweet, crisp taste of Mountain Dew! I’m pretty sure your roommate actually likes Mountain Dew the most out of everyone in Skidmore so taking it away from him is a totally bodacious prank! This prank registers as a Code Red because that will be the shade of your roommate’s face when he finds out!

I know these pranks are all epic and for the win, but remember my dudes that this is all in good fun: because nothing is worse than a horrible roommate! If tensions start running high after any of these sick pranks, just say “dude, chill” or “it’s only a joke, bro”, and they’ll be sure to take it really well! That’s all the time I’ve got, though, I gotta steal my housemate’s six-pack! No, not his abs, I already have those! I’m taking my advice and his Mountain Dew! Catch you on the kick-flip, players!


Intern, this content is already two days late. Uh, April Fools. Intern… that joke is already overplayed and bad. Whatever. I’m just annoyed that this is the first time in months we speak and it’s you complaining at me. Well what else am I supposed to complain about? You’re the editorial intern, not the content intern. I can’t whine at you for not making new content. Have you considered not whining at all? …Haha, alright, nice April Fool’s Day joke.

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Spending Spring Break in Style on Campus


Roommates going to CABO and you can’t afford it? One of the five students not from [local big city] and can’t get back home? Can’t bear to spend one day away from your Betta fish? Sounds like you’re spending Spring Break at college. Here’s some ways to liven the week-long staycation up!

Forage for Food in the Woods: Spring break is usually spent eating unhealthy junk food and doing nothing, but foraging for random crap in the woods will improve your diet and exercise habits! There are tons of edible wild mushrooms out in the woods. And there are even more hallucinogenic ones, so it’s really win-win. Plus, there are some mysterious red berries that are begging to be eaten off the vine! Who cares if they’re poisonous? They’re delicious!

Solve the “[College Name] Mysteries”: Now that everyone else is gone, it’s the perfect time to investigate all the unsolved school mysteries. For instance, the women’s 1st floor bathroom had its walls covered in blood last year, and no one knows the reason yet. Also, does anyone really know what’s going on in the weird West lot building? Methinks a spook or two is afoot! Or the mystery of the piss smell in the elevators. I have a hunch that someone pissed there! But until you solve it, we’ll never know!

Play Quidditch by Yourself: Gotta get those reps in before the team comes back and sees your foolishness. If you wanna make the team next year, this is the time to get out there and practice your broom-handling. The only other time you could do that is if you become a janitor.

Skinny Dip in the Pond: [College] is a clothing-optional campus, but people are too scared to take advantage of it during the terms. So make the most of the ghost campus and enjoy a skinny dip in the pond. Just watch out for the ducks. Nudity makes them mad.

Craft a New Student Body of Snowmen: It usually snows during Spring Break, so what better to do than replace all the missing people with snowmen copies? There’s a reason why you brought so many clothes to school after Winter Break, and it’s to dress all your newfound (or should I say “newmade”) friends in the latest outfits. Just don’t cry when they start melting; the tears speed up the process.

Chase After Everyone You See: It just makes sense. After all, if you see someone else, they’re probably a ghost. And if they’re a ghost and you catch them, you can solve one of the unsolved [college] mysteries! And if they’re real, then they’ll probably think you’re a ghost, and you’ll be immortalized as a [college] mystery! Honestly, you should do this even when Spring Break ends.

 

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CeilingFans and CeilingFoes


Hot off the major success that was the DoorYeahs and DoorNahs (pronounced Britishly to sound like doorknob, for your information), Pungry is back on the architecture beat. This time: the ceiling. I before e except after c was invented for this crucial part of the room. You can spell “lie” out of the letters that make up ceiling, but this is no lie; without the ceiling, everything would come crashing down. As such, we’ve rounded up our picks for the biggest CeilingFans and CeilingFoes for helping anyone out of their ceiling rut.

CeilingFan: An edible popcorn ceiling! Pass the butter!
CeilingFoe: An inedible popcorn ceiling. Butter not eat this.

CeilingFan: A ceiling that clears 10′!
CeilingFoe: A ceiling that clears 10″. This joke only works in print!

CeilingFan: A low hanging ceiling! It adds so much depth!
CeilingFoe: Low hanging ceiling fruit. Too easy a joke.

CeilingFan: Can’t stop the ceiling! No “trolls” here, just a great song.
CeilingFoe: Like the ceiling can’t hold us. The ceiling collapsing is bad, Macklemore!

CeilingFan: A ceiling with a skylight. Skylight, sky bright. First sky I see tonight.
CeilingFoe: A ceiling that’s just the sky. Brr.

CeilingFan: A ceiling with upholstery! Carpet from top to bottom!
CeilingFoe: A ceiling with downholstery! I don’t even know what that is!

CeilingFan: A retractable roof. Raising the roof… in value!
CeilingFoe: A detractable roof. Lowering the roof… in value.

CeilingFan: The dropped ceiling. Can’t beat the classics.
CeilingFoe: A ceiling that drops to the floor. Look out below.

CeilingFan: Ceiling Team Six. USA, USA, USA.
CeilingFoe: Ceiling Team Five. They failed their mission.

CeilingFan: Painting your ceiling like the sky. Just imagine being outside while being inside. Genius.
CeilingFoe: Painting your ceiling like a cave. Oh god, those stalactites are going to fall on me.

CeilingFan: A literal glass ceiling. Hope no birds get confused!
CeilingFoe: The metaphorical glass ceiling. Hope no members of the audience get confused, since this is real.

CeilingFan: Raising the roof. Woop woop!
CeilingFoe: Bringing the house down.

I think I’ve hit the ceiling in terms of possible jokes in this format. Thanks for reading!

____

Awful. Just awful. They say the sky is the limit but clearly someone put a ceiling instead. These jokes were sold to us as high-floor, high-ceiling jokes, but they ended up being low-floor, lower-ceiling. If that’s possible. No, the floor is always below the ceiling. I don’t know. If someone thinks that article was funny the world would truly be upside down.

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Student Takes Love & Friendship Class, Finds Neither


Sophomore James Reimer had been feeling pretty alone at college lately. Hoping for any promise of companionship, Reimer scoured the spring classes and found the perfect class: “Love and Friendship”.

“I knew I had to sign up right away. While the goal is finding true love there, I’m fine with friendship. …I have no friends,” said Reimer.

Reimer mentioned that he found another intriguing course, Sex and Intimacy, but said he did not meet the pre-requisites, nor was he ready for that kind of commitment.

“You know how they say that you should ‘shoot for the moon’ because if you miss you’ll be among the stars? In this metaphor, the moon is love, and the stars are friendship,” said Reimer.

Unfortunately for Reimer’s metaphor, his rocketship has failed to launch thus far in the semester.

“Our first class day we’re asking each other ‘why do we love’ and having some background in philosophy I pulled out all my choice Nietzsche quotes for the small group around me. I thought for sure his sick quote ‘it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages’ was going to get me some points with the girls. But they basically ignored me, leaving me with only the quote ‘to live is to suffer’ as solace,” said Reimer.

“Honestly, all this love and friendship just might not be cut out for me. I’m thinking I’m a better fit for the Death and Dying class…” said Reimer. “I think my best friend actually found his girlfriend there.

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Teaching Active vs. Passive Voice with Metroid II Titles


English teachers tell their students to always write in the active voice when writing essays or arguments. However, these teachers tend to be vague in direction, meaning those listening have no clue what either active or passive voice actually look like on the page. Oftentimes, these confused kids have to turn to outside sources for help in writing the next great essay about To Kill A Mockingbird. And I am here to demonstrate the differences in active and passive voice using kids’ favorite medium for teaching: video games! Specifically, by comparing the titles of the original 1991 Game Boy release of Metroid II and the 2017 3DS remake, we can easily see how active and passive voice differ all while having fun!

Active Voice:

Active voice

The remake of Metroid II is fully titled “Metroid: Samus Returns”. This is a title written in active voice, and you can tell by the word ordering. It’s simple: subject followed by verb. Samus is the subject, and she is returning in this game as the title indicates. The title gets its point across in two words. The brevity and clarity of the title are the two main reasons why teachers prefer active voice in persuasive essays. Such a style eliminates word clutter and makes it easy to see the point. However, such simple writing of subject-verb can get repetitive after a while, kind of like hunting the 8 metroids in Area 2 of this game can get repetitive, so don’t be afraid to change up your style every once in a while.

Passive Voice:

Passive voice

“Metroid II: Return of Samus” inverts the subject-verb form. Such a formulation makes the subject of the sentence unclear. Until you get to the fifth and final word, you don’t know who is returning. Furthermore, “return” is being used as a noun instead of a verb. It’s a slight difference, but the change to a noun also takes away the urgency and action a verb would bring. Plus, this title takes more words to say the same thing. The passive style here muddies the clarity and weakens any point the title might have had. Both reasons are why teachers recommend active voice. That is not to say that passive voice does not have a place in writing. It just doesn’t work well when writing arguments or titles that want to grab the reader.

Hope today’s grammar lesson through video games helped you all. Keep gaming, and keep learning!


Intern, did you steal this from the Purdue OWL people? There are owl people in Purdue? I gotta go to… wait, where is Purdue? Indiana. That’s besides the point. We’re a comedy blog, not an educational blog. Seems like it’s time for me to give you a lesson. We haven’t been funny in years. You’re right, 2016 was 2 years ago. Not the point! Should’ve used active voice to have made your point then. See, I told you this post was worthwhile.

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You Know You Might Be A Criminal If…


The greatest stand-up comedians have all made their names with the catchphrase. Who could forget the comedian, Nikola Tesla, who came up with the awesome “it’s so hot/how hot is it?” setup? Or how about Thomas Edison’s hilarious “take my wife… please!” Or even the legendary Galileo Galilei’s listicle humor based around the phrase “you might be a redneck if…” Today, Pungry makes his mark on the stand-up comedy world with the newest, greatest set-up and punchline duo of the young new year. Give it up for:

YOU KNOW YOU MIGHT BE A CRIMINAL IF:

-You steal stuff
-You’re mean to people
-You dislike the law
-You talk about “the man”
-You look at stuff and want to steal it
-You pick only renegade options in video games
-You would download a car
-You claim Free Parking in Monopoly awards you $500
-You refer to your friend as a “partner in crime”
-You do illegal things
-You do legal things but don’t like it
-You drink coffee
-You break your aunt’s priceless Ming vase but don’t admit doing it
-You talk about stuff and you want to steal it
-You go outside in all-black all the time
-You go outside only at night
-You go outside to run away from people
-You go outside to get out of jail
-You go outside through a hole in a stone wall
-You think of steel bars when you hear the set-up “a guy walks into a bar”
-You go on a date to steal their stuff
-You don’t want to work
-You see pots and think of drugs. Also, you want to steal them
-You see someone pulling the “Federal Body Inspector” badge at a party and run away (actually this is something everyone should do when this person comes, please delete)
-You don’t follow requests in parentheses
-You don’t follow the mathematical order of operations
-You don’t follow the rules to Operation the Game
-You think this is a game?
-You hear about games and want to steal their stuff
-You make an unfunny list with zero self-awareness
-You steal stuff

And now, presenting the equally amazing and hilarious follow-up to the world-class comedy above! Witness:

YOU KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE A CRIMINAL IF:

-You buy marijuana for recreational use


New year, new Pungry. Ahh… great content find, intern. Love it. I knew I wasn’t a criminal. Sir, you don’t smoke weed, though. Ah, but I buy it for recreational use. If you don’t buy it to smoke it, what do you use it for? You know, recreational activities. …such as? I throw around the bag like a frisbee. Amazing, sir. A true inspiration to us all. I’m glad you’re our leader for at least one more year. And I’m glad you’re our intern forever. …I’m thinking I might be a criminal.

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