Boss, Q&A are back again. Again? How many freaking mix CDs can these knuckleheads make? This is apparently their tenth. It’s got to cost a lot of money to buy the albums for their stock, then more money to make and distribute these CDs, and even more to advertise it on blogs like us. Actually, the advertising here is extremely cheap, hence why they always choose us. Wait, how much are we charging? We pay others $10 to advertise on our blog since we need them to boost our ratings, not the other way around. Great, now I’m depressed again. Just let those idiots take over. I’ll go count my money. Sir, you know there’s only $20 in our coffers. And you’re not getting any of it. I’ve been heavily advised “don’t take the money” already.
Hey, A. What is it, Q? I’ve been re-reading our past press releases for inspiration, and I saw we have some form of introductory catchphrase. Is this anything like our “secret high-five” that changes every time? No! And I admit that I screwed up last time and it was my turn to cover my eyes. Get over it. Why don’t you open your eyes and see that I’m crying? We’ll get to that song later, just give me a little of your love. Restart.
We’re not going to do any more restarts. That was the last releases gimmick. We’ve recycled gimmicks before. I remember when “Love,” was going to be the only narrative mix CD. Not my fault last year sucked for music. Yeah, the guy from Black Out Band died in a car crash. That’s messed up. Yeah, 2016… not a great year all in all. I agree though we should just get into the album.
So, the new mix is titled “X”. No, the “x” does not symbolize kisses–though you do absolutely wish that you’d get some of those soon. I’m going to give you an x, and cross you the heck out. Oh don’t be cross with me or this relationship will all be for nought. Ugh. No, X is the Roman numeral for ten, and this is our tenth mix CD. Man, I feel so old now. What year is it? Uh, it’s a metaphor for life. I’m glad you stopped saying that catchphrase. I’m glad we made another great mix CD. This one is a lot like The Fifth; lots of high energy synthrock. The Fifth is probably the most underrated mix CD we’ve put out, I’m glad we made a sequel. At the same time, it’s a lot like Lorde’s Hymns with the artists on it, and it accidentally has sort of a narrative like Love, and Paris. And I bet it’s “accidentally” a rom-com plot line. No, it’s a tragedy! Like Paris! Like your real life. Oh, enough of that, let’s begin.
J-Boy – Phoenix
This isn’t even close to a tragic song! The acronym spells out “Just Because of You” which is a highly-suggestive phrase of love! Uh, I highly suggest you to… I don’t have a response. The first half of the album is love songs, I admit. But the second half is tragic songs! I don’t see any Greek tragedies anywhere on the tracklisting. Regardless, we can agree this is a great Phoenix track, right? Yeah, I’ve heard it a bunch after you put it on my Summer ’17 playlist. Good stuff. Now that we’ve got your attention, will you ask for more? Please stop awkwardly putting in song lyrics. Just give me a shot! Great transition.
Shot at the Night – The Killers
I wanted to put in a Killers song from Battle Born on this album, but nothing quite fit. I almost put in Heart of a Girl–but that’d be too on the nose, huh? I don’t know what that means. Come on, think about it. Wrong band. I didn’t put in Heart of a Girl in the end since this song does the job better. Yeah, it’s synthrock with a synth hook which is almost basically every song on here, like J-Boy, for instance. It’s also just fun. No, Bleachers was part of fun. You’re no fun. Just give me a little of your love and I’ll try. Try a better line. Oh, that was a transition. Whoops.
Little of Your Love – Haim
This is the only “pure” rock song on the mix. Not a lot of synths to be found. Actually, the Haim sisters are genius mixers, so there’s plenty of stuff going on that is found on electronica. Like the opening sample! That’s a little off-putting, not going to lie. But a little of love goes a long way to making a good mix. Uh, let’s get married? Now you’re pushing it.
Let’s Get Married – Bleachers
Sit down, breathe, and just listen. Yeah, not much else to say about this. It’s a fun synthrock track. Oh god, we’re four songs in and we’re already out of things to say? Why do we do this? You always panic like this and we always-oh, only four in? Oh gods, that’s bad. I know! Unlike this song! That’s something we’d always say, right? Uh, yeah! Just like my ex! Oh, come on. We’re not even to the tragic half. Of our duo, you’re definitely the tragic half. Aw, thanks-wait. I mean that… on my heart.
On My Heart – School of Seven Bells
Here are some actual synths, returning after a two song absence. Synthly unbelievable. …that doesn’t even sound close to “simply”. Synthly unbelievable. Saying it again doesn’t make it good. Pointing out bad writing doesn’t make it good. I’m giving you the look. That’s a Metronomy song, which you cut two of for room for songs like these. Nice transition. I couldn’t believe you saved this blog post like that. Synthly unbelievable.
Couldn’t Believe – Broods
More synth stuff. The line “you burn the wood, you burn the wood, you burn the woo-ood” always makes me laugh. Speaking of, I hope the other A is doing alright with his woodcutting. He said he only had the toughest, knottiest wood left to cut. Oh, that’s just pure class right there. Cutting out of our blog post to talk about someone else’s woodcutting? Sorry, it’s just way more interesting than talking about music people could be listening to instead of reading this. Just tell me I’m so dang perfect. That’s not the actual lyrics! There’s a swear there!
I’m Perfect – Passion Pit
I know, I know. But still, gotta transition. This is the first half of a couplet of songs. Both have perfect in the title and swear in the chorus. It’s perfect synergy. Synthergy. Good band name. Thinking about it, I think so too. Always weird when the instinctive one-liners turn out to be good. All these nights spent off our faces trying to find these perfect places and we may have found the perfect place… with each other. Aww. Wait, we forgot to say anything about this song. It’s perfect.
Perfect Places – Lorde
Someone said this song was a sequel to Team by Lorde, and I guess that’s accurate. I kinda like Team a bit more, but this song is fun too. It’s got that bombastic chorus and some great synth work. Good part of a summer soundtrack. A bit too meta to listen to without thinking as the sound may make it seem, but good. It’s got a lot of summer warmth, huh? Alright, some of these haven’t been forced, but that’s really obvious. Never the good with you, just the bad and the ugly?
Warmth – Bastille
I can’t stop thinking about it, but I’ll do nothing about it. Perfect Places is the first song where whatever couple in this mix CD starts seeing cracks in their relationship. Warmth is an attempt for them to rekindle what they had. You burn the wood–whoops, wrong song. Anyway, it’s good to see another Bastille song. Wild World got the short end of the stick when we used only one track from it for Paris. On the bright side, if we need nice sounding 3 minute mix CD filler, there’s like 18 other songs we haven’t used yet from that album for it. Hey, nothing here is filler. Very true. If it was, someone would’ve paid us to use their song. And we don’t take the money.
Don’t Take the Money – Bleachers
Another track from my Summer ’17 mix that you put on there. Another very good synthrock track. Isn’t it? It also has synergy with Warmth as both start with a vocal sample. That’s stretching this synergy thing. They’re more a couple in sound and speed. Both fast and fun songs. Yeah. And now that you’re gone and your summer ’17 playlist is gone with you, I can only find your tracklist when I call you on the telefono. We did not think this gimmick through. Can we go back to our “no gimmicks” era? That mix sucked, though.
Telefono – Phoenix
Unlike this song! Phoenix at #11, I’m in heaven. Is it bad policy to write “lol” after one of your own scripted bits? Yes. Just like it’s bad policy for the girl to take the dang money and go to Hollywood after these two went to Rome and all over! Yeah, this song does great “world building”. Lot of intimate details come out during the hypnotic synthrock that shows this relationship is going down. You’re right: this love won’t last forever.
Last Forever – The Naked and Famous
This takes me back to Lorde’s Hymns, the last time The Naked and Famous made it. Yeah, but that song was actually popular, so how on earth did you find this random track off their newest and least popular album? Well, I was in Paris and–and Comic-Con girl told you the name of the song as she was crying during her phone call to you on the last day? Dang it, A, you know none of that story GZ made was real! Just like this relationship’s chances to make it. Oh, and it’s a good song, in case anyone was wondering. Yeah, great party song. …huh? I missed my cue? Oh, sorry. *reads cue cards* But this is not a party, it’s a blog post. Great joke. I try.
This is Not a Party – The Wombats
It also isn’t a hurricane. This band name reminds me, you wore the same green shirt with “wombats” on it for three days straight. That was NOT the same shirt. I have three different green shirts that say wombats on them. That’s almost more embarrassing. Regardless, anyone can see that this relationship is really going downhill. I somehow paced this pretty well, if I do say so myself. And the girl actually speaks a lot in comparison to your other narrative CDs. I can only hope that my critics will realize that this time. They’re still living in the pools of your mistakes. Stop firing at the crazies.
The Currents – Bastille
I can’t believe Bastille asked you to help them write lyrics. Do you even know what year it is? Great lyric. Makes me laugh. This mix owns. Makes you laugh, makes you cry, it does it all. I think you’re the only person that laughs or cries at this. I’m gonna make you cry if you don’t say good things about this song. Alright, it’s another well-made Bastille song. Fun and fast. The opening strings remind me of a “great” Good Charlotte song. Oh, god. Cover my eyes electric blue before I see that name again. Awesome transition.
Electric Blue – Arcade Fire
People will forever question you for leaving off Everything Now in favor of this off-putting “jam” from Arcade Fire’s new album. I really hope I make enough of an impact for people to criticize this move a day after this is posted. If people still can’t let it go twenty years from now I’d be so ecstatic. Good point. Haters are truly the mark of something good. Too bad your mixes are too good there are no haters of them anywhere. I hate days like this, when you remind me how obscure we are. So you hate every day then? No, when it rains.
Rain – MIKA
That reminds me, it hasn’t rained much lately. It’s been summer for three months, dude. And you can’t spell summer without “rain”. I still think that was a cool catchphrase. It was as cool as your other catchphrases, so not at all. I wish that I could be like–stop, there’s no Echosmith here. Not all the bands from Lorde’s Hymns have returned. You’re right they come back in September. Ugh, wake me up when September ends. Oh, and this song is good. Another bombastic chorus sung with someone with too high a voice, like Electric Blue. Another great couplet, unlike this couple. They’re just waiting for the green light to move on.
Green Light – Lorde
And there it is! You know, I really hadn’t realized how much the “girl” talks on this. There’s only one last song from the guy’s perspective and he talks about how much he missed being with her. It really is a tragedy. Your “writing”, I mean. I didn’t write the lyrics! But you did put them in an order. Uh, order? I hardly know her! See what I mean about this guy’s catchphrases? Awful. Just like this guy. Trying to convince someone he loves the beach? That line does make me laugh. I guess you’re right, this mix CD can make people laugh. But definitely not cry. Couples break up and then later think they had something together all the time. But it’s never happened to me. Well then, go find it in silence.
Found it in Silence – Haim
Gotta say, the lack of guitars in this Haim song makes it far more attuned to the rest of the synth songs on here. Especially that space-y synth three-quarters in.I screwed up the ordering, this really should’ve been after Rain. The lyrics make a whole lot more sense to this narrative. Or did you purposely order it this way so people would truly believe you didn’t mean to make another narrative mix CD? Makes you think. Again, if anyone makes any conspiracy theory of any one of our mix CDs, I’d be very happy for objective proof these mean something to someone else. I just wish people would stop saying “I miss those days” when talking about our first mix CD. Man, you really reached on that. But I made it. Unlike this relationship.
I Miss Those Days – Bleachers
In an odd twist, the guy seems like the one who is more over it with songs like this. He was lost, but he kind of misses those days he was lost with her. It’s a nice tragic sentiment that shows he can heal. So can I, when I’m listening to songs this good! What are you even healing from? Felicity, man. Felicity. Oh, she’s just a Memoly now. No one will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever get either of those jokes. Unless they just open their-oh dang, that doesn’t quite fit. Uh, open your eyes, A, everyone definitely gets all of our funny jokes. I’m feeling the fire still. Did not notice that synergy with Couldn’t Believe until now. Man, this is why we’re a team.
Open Your Eyes – School of Seven Bells
This song is kinda odd since the girl is telling the guy his behavior has got him crying. Which makes sense, since keeps lying about how much he “loves” the beach to another girl. That is pretty bad. It’s also bad that the girl wants him back since he can’t stop lying about beaches and burning stuff. But she’s been waiting so patiently for him to come back to her! You know, this is great validation for me. The stereotype always is that guys can’t get over heartbreak, and we’ve got the girl having that problem. Bitter validation. I’d rather everyone be happy. Sometimes, even if you do everything right in your head, you’ll just end up with your heart cut. Supercut.
Supercut – Lorde
This had to be the closer for practical reasons. The outtro is just too long. But it turned into a great closer for story reasons. The girl sees their entire relationship flash before her eyes which the other 76 minutes on the CD have been all about. All the love they had and lost. All the magic they gave off. And it’s just a supercut. You know what? I’ve convinced myself this is the best narrative mix we’ve ever made. Great job, chief. On both mixing and convincing yourself. Man, if I could make money persuading myself, I’d be rich as heck. Too bad you have no money to pay yourself. Well, I can always pay myself in kindness. And in mix CDs.
So there you have it, number ten is on the shelves. Now, you’ve said “this might be the last one” since Coldplay announced retirement two years ago. Since they’re actually going to retire from making music after Kaleidoscope, is this actually our final mix? I don’t actually have a strong enough love of Coldplay to keep that conviction. With new Echosmith and Wild Cub coming out next month, there will probably be a next mix CD in four months. But “four” now, ten is good? That joke gets a big X, but my answer is a big O. Is that a yes? Yes.
If there’s an eleventh, we better not use our $20 to advertise it. That comment indicates that you’ve actually read these 2500 words. I’m the editor, I can’t not read something that’s going up on our blog. You said “our”! I’m so flattered. Are we as close as Q&A now? Sure. And does that mean I get half the money? Definitely not. I really wish we had more jokes than about money. Uh, don’t take the money? We’ve come full circle. But the mix CD was called X!