Pungry’s Thirsty: Judge Wapner Root Beer

I picked this root beer because of it’s callous, can-do attitude. “I sentence you to drink my root beer” on the label? “We thought we were the best when we tried other sodas which reinforced the fact that were are the best” in illegible font on the bottlecap? This soda has moxie, but it isn’t the soda, Moxie, as that is only sold in the South.

It also isn’t a lot of things. Despite all the strength and bravado in the advertising, this soda tastes like Bud Light. Or, at least, what I assume what Bud Light tastes like from what my colleagues say about it. They call Bud Light the “Olive Garden of beer”, which in turn is the “Nickelback of restaurants”, which, by the equivalence theory in math, means that Judge Wapner is the soda of Nickleback. Bland and flavorless with a lot of fans for some unknown reason, but you’ve never met any of them since everybody outside of your friend group is a fan of Nickelback, Bud Light, and Olive Garden. But, if you are one of those people and you somehow found this blog, you’d probably enjoy the slight, sweet taste of Judge Wapner’s root beer. Personally, I sentence it to five years community service for lying in advertising.