Spending Spring Break in Style on Campus


Roommates going to CABO and you can’t afford it? One of the five students not from [local big city] and can’t get back home? Can’t bear to spend one day away from your Betta fish? Sounds like you’re spending Spring Break at college. Here’s some ways to liven the week-long staycation up!

Forage for Food in the Woods: Spring break is usually spent eating unhealthy junk food and doing nothing, but foraging for random crap in the woods will improve your diet and exercise habits! There are tons of edible wild mushrooms out in the woods. And there are even more hallucinogenic ones, so it’s really win-win. Plus, there are some mysterious red berries that are begging to be eaten off the vine! Who cares if they’re poisonous? They’re delicious!

Solve the “[College Name] Mysteries”: Now that everyone else is gone, it’s the perfect time to investigate all the unsolved school mysteries. For instance, the women’s 1st floor bathroom had its walls covered in blood last year, and no one knows the reason yet. Also, does anyone really know what’s going on in the weird West lot building? Methinks a spook or two is afoot! Or the mystery of the piss smell in the elevators. I have a hunch that someone pissed there! But until you solve it, we’ll never know!

Play Quidditch by Yourself: Gotta get those reps in before the team comes back and sees your foolishness. If you wanna make the team next year, this is the time to get out there and practice your broom-handling. The only other time you could do that is if you become a janitor.

Skinny Dip in the Pond: [College] is a clothing-optional campus, but people are too scared to take advantage of it during the terms. So make the most of the ghost campus and enjoy a skinny dip in the pond. Just watch out for the ducks. Nudity makes them mad.

Craft a New Student Body of Snowmen: It usually snows during Spring Break, so what better to do than replace all the missing people with snowmen copies? There’s a reason why you brought so many clothes to school after Winter Break, and it’s to dress all your newfound (or should I say “newmade”) friends in the latest outfits. Just don’t cry when they start melting; the tears speed up the process.

Chase After Everyone You See: It just makes sense. After all, if you see someone else, they’re probably a ghost. And if they’re a ghost and you catch them, you can solve one of the unsolved [college] mysteries! And if they’re real, then they’ll probably think you’re a ghost, and you’ll be immortalized as a [college] mystery! Honestly, you should do this even when Spring Break ends.

 

About pungry

Making strained metaphors funny.
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One Response to Spending Spring Break in Style on Campus

  1. Hank Turner says:

    I’ve decided to go straight into janitorial work.

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