I’ve Played A Phone Game For Two Years Straight


The game released September 27th, 2018. There have been 731 days since then. I have played it for a minimum of a half-hour every day in those 731 days. Thankfully, my phone cannot track total play time, so I do not know how much exact time I’ve wasted playing it. But it’s gotta be over 1000 hours of my life spent doing this.

Some guy said it takes 10,000 hours to be great at something. Well, if I play this phone game at this pace, I’ll be great at it in 18 years. I’d argue I’m in the top 1% of players, though. Objectively, I am because I’ve cleared every single quest, even the newest, solo quests in a game based around co-op play. 95% of people who download the game don’t even beat the first level of endgame quests. So if you compare me to the majority of people who play, I’m great. But if you compare me to some Greek ideal of a player of this phone game, I might not be that Socrates.

Why haven’t I said the name of the game? Well, despite it taking up at least 1/48th of my life for the past two years, I don’t talk about it. I’m discrete about playing it. I play it just before I go to bed, when I wake up, and at a free time in the middle of the day. I base my life around it, yet don’t talk about it. If that sounds like a drug user, well, you’d know better than me because I’ve never used drugs. But, yes, this phone game is basically my drug. I could make a pun with this game’s title and the word drug. You shouldn’t need more hints to know what game I’m talking about at this point so I’ll continue without naming it.

So what is so appealing about this game? Well, the presentation. The game looks gorgeous. It has incredible music. The writing is genuinely good, and not just for a game. All of it combines into one amazing package that somehow fits on a phone. Albeit, “fits” at the size of like 10 gigabytes or something crazy high for a phone game. But that’s all to make the game so dang appealing on first glance.

The gameplay itself is a genre I’ve never played before. It’s an action RPG. I play turn-based RPGs normally. I had a small taste of action RPGs with the Mario and Luigi series, which is turn-based, but you can dodge enemies moves. Furthermore, it’s not just single-player, but multi-player co-op. I’ve never played a co-op game before other than Mario Kart Double Dash. I really only even tried this game due to who published it. And my trust was rewarded. The gameplay is super fun at its best, though majorly frustrating at its worst.

But the worst is rare. On average, it is fun to run around and whack your enemy with the 9 weapon types. I used to be most comfortable with the long-ranged attacks, but I’ve lately felt fine getting in an enemy’s face with the short-ranged stuff. I’ll be honest, I’m writing this because I like to publish one thing every month, and I haven’t had the energy or inspiration (that’s a game reference btw) this month. So I figured I’d just write about one of the things that’s taking up my entire life. I played this game for 6 hours on Saturday due to all the recent changes and had a real proud gamer moment when I cleared the current toughest quest in the game. On weekdays, I’m spending 5 hours daily learning how to code and have forgotten how to write. I’m doomed to become a tech bro with no creativity. I was a project manager last week and did nothing but use corporate speak and buzzwords in order to practice transitioning to a real job where I can do that again.

Where was I? I got a little lost. Oh yeah, I really enjoy this game because the fights are 5 minutes maximum, clearing one gives a rush of dopamine, and so I can get a lot of dopamine by winning a lot of fights. The game also gives out dopamine through gambling. Now, this game is free to play, and you genuinely never have to pay money to get to where I’m at, but I will admit that I’ve spent $40 on the game. Considering I spent $70 on Paper Mario: The Origami King for “just” 30 hours of entertainment, $40 for Literally Two Years is a fair deal. Although I started talking about how I paid money right after a sentence about gambling, the money I spent allowed me to skip past the gambling to get what I wanted, so it was very worth it. I got a lot of dopamine there.

It also gives me dopamine to re-read this stuff if it’s funny. This isn’t, but the 10,000 word mix CD review of my 13th mix will be. Just gotta get the motivation to write that. I’m too busy listening to the Creed singer singing about the Miami Marlins instead of listening to my dope mix CD. It’s my best one yet, as usual. I’m getting really off-topic. I’ll just close by saying I’m sorry to myself for re-reading this eventually because this’ll be private and never un-privated, like the rest of this website. Sigh.

About pungry

Making strained metaphors funny.
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