The Best of the First Half of Subpar Season XX


I’m running the Sub-Par League again this year. Instead of trying to put every update of the league on here, I’m just posting the games of the week I am most proud of writing. Enjoy!


A-ROD AND COLLINS FORM LIFELONG FRIENDSHIP DURING BORING BASTARDS-ROYALES GAME

Eddie Collins has felt like an outcast on the Bastards since day one. KungFu Grip and the rest of the team kept calling Cocky “Steady Eddie”, which especially hurt when the consistency Collins was providing was below-replacement level batting and fielding. That, in turn, caused his performance to drop further, and he was stuck in a negative feedback loop going into the series against Les Royales de Montreal.

Meanwhile, kalensc had been taking a hands-off approach to moderating his baseball team, only making one move all season: drafting Alex Rodriguez. Though not quite as poor as Eddie Collins had been for the Bastards, A-Rod had been far closer to A-Fraud (USER BANNED FOR RIVALS.COM PUN) than the 12th overall pick in the Super Draft. And with the Royales drifting further and further back from contention since the selection, the rabid fans of Montreal have blamed basically everything on Rodriguez, flipping cars, starting fires, and doing all other fun Montreal sport rioters do to protest A-Rod. He too was a man isolated in a team sport.

And so it was in the bottom of the 5th that the two of them found themselves near each other. Eddie Collins slapped a single, and stole second base. “Hey, nice wheels, Cocky,” A-Rod said to Collins. “Finally, someone around here that knows my actual name, A-Rod,” Collins replied. “What’s a guy gotta do to get as fast as you?” A-Rod said. “Oh, you know, the usual sorts of things. Rolling barrels, lifting imaginary pianos, lying on the floor while moving your legs like a wheel. And, of course, smoking three packs a day,” said Collins. “Huh. I never tried any of those. What do you say we hang out after the game and swap exercise tips? I’ve got some very useful and very legal substances that would give you a boost,” said A-Rod. “I’m already taking enough heroin for my asthma,” Collins said.

The game ended with little incident in a 6-4 win for the Bastards. At the Buntsville Tavern, Collins and A-Rod were sitting at the counter. “You sure your teammates don’t care if you skip out going to the bar with them?” Collins said. A-Rod shook his head. “Nah, my teammates don’t care even a little about me. Unless I carry them to the division, everyone in Montreal will blame me for their collapse,” said A-Rod. “I know exactly what you mean. The mean folk of Buntsville keep calling me a bastard and ‘steady Eddie’ and just generally not being nice. Do they think I want to go out there and hit like Bill Bergen?” said Collins. “Yeah, I can’t go one at-bat without hearing ‘merde’ from the crowd or even my teammates. Heck, some of them have accused me of injuring Pedro Martinez, who started our little spat by saying I have no personality!” said A-Rod.

“Oh, your team’s fans and teammates do that injury blaming thing too? Every week, someone new on the Bastards gets hurt, and they blame me for it!” said Collins. “That’s pretty awful. What actually happened to them?” said A-Rod. “Oh, I don’t know. For instance, I saw that Mel Ott didn’t have his humors properly balanced, so I got the team doctor to bleed him a little. And now I’m the bad guy for looking after my teammate’s health?” said Collins. “Yeah, I get you. I tried offering some Clear to Ken Griffey Jr., and he punched me in the face saying ‘this is for the Seattle Mariners!’ What a bunch of goobers. I’m so glad I could finally find someone who understands me,” said A-Rod. “Me too,” said Collins.

Suddenly, KungFu Grip and kalensc burst in through the Buntsville Tavern doors. “Heard a Bastard of mine was hanging out with the enemy. Can’t abide that,” said KungFu Grip. “I must ban any who would use a parachute account to avoid probation,” said kalensc. “Gah! It’s our awful owners! We got to get away, Cocky!” said A-Rod. “I’m sorry, A-Rod, but I can’t let the team down. I must turn myself in,” said Collins. “No! Don’t do it! They’ll tear you to shreds!” said A-Rod. “And while they’re doing that to me, make sure you get yourself out of here and pretend you were with the rest of the Royales all along,” said Collins. “Dang it! I can’t just abandon a friend like this! Wait, I actually can. I’m motherfreaking Alex Rodriguez. HEY KUNGFU GRIP, I FOUND YOUR BASTARD,” A-Rod yelled. “Thank you, mysterious friend! Hey, I think I recognize you. You’re a baseballer! How would you like to be a bastard?” said KungFu Grip. “Oh… he’s definitely a bastard. I’ll remember this, A-Fraud,” said Collins. “I’ll remember your team getting relegated, Steady Eddie,” said A-Rod as he walked away. “Yeah, you’re still getting banned, A-Rod,” said kalensc.


MISANTHROPES BEGIN SEASON BY WRECKING BONAFIDES’ SPRINT, WIN 8-7

“Alright everyone, let’s get started,” SCRUM Master Moleboy said to his Beaverton Bonafides over the Teams meeting. “Today is the first day of sprint 1 of what the higher ups are calling Subpar Season XX, or SSXX for short. Whenever you’re talking, writing, or thinking about SSXX, remember to use that acronym instead to avoid confusion. Don’t get it confused with SSX, the mid-2000s extreme snow sports games, or SSXXX, the designation for Subpar Porn. As always, we’ll go around the room and ask everyone to give us their status. Starting with our starting pitcher. Juan?” Seconds passed in silence. “Juan, you’re on mute. Please, take yourself off mute,” said Moleboy. “Sorry, guys. A little distracted by my dog playing fetch with my wife and kids where he throws the ball and then they all cha—“ said Juan Marichal before Moleboy interrupted him. “Juan. Just your status, please,” said Moleboy.

“Oh, yes. Sorry. Uh, let’s see. Uh, sprint 1 is going alright. I’ve made it 5 and two thirds through the allotted work. On track to finish with at least the game tied if everyone does their job. I’m expecting a fly ball to be hit to left field soon. Anyone have the bandwidth to try and take that?” said Marichal. Moleboy unmuted himself. “Sounds like something for Rickey. Have you put in a JIRA ticket, or put this on the Kanban?” asked Moleboy. “Oh, jeez. I don’t think I did. I, uh, wasn’t anticipating Brian Giles of all people to hit a fly ball there, to be honest. Can’t we get the work done untracked?” said Marichal. “No. We need a ticket, or we’re going to go over our budgeted hours. Please put in a ticket for the fly ball explaining the task, and then I’ll decompose it for Rickey to get a hold of. Provided he has the bandwidth. Rickey, you in here?” asked Moleboy. While the other cameras had been turned off for this meeting, Rickey’s camera had been on the whole time, and had shown him attending shirtless. “Yeah, Rickey’s here. Rickey can’t make any promises—Rickey’s got 6 at-bats Rickey gotta focus on in this sprint,” said Rickey. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to let this go, and release this fifth inning with an error. Hope it isn’t too catastrophic,” said Moleboy. The Misanthropes would score 4 unearned runs in the inning due to the unticketed work. “This is why we have daily standups!” exclaimed Moleboy in frustration.

“Whatever, what’s done is done. Let’s try to close the game out strong. Big thanks to Robin Yount for taking on that work to get us from down 7-3 to 7-6 with that three run dinger. You’ve been awarded 10 Good Job Points, redeemable on the Beaverton Employee Website for all sorts of things,” said Moleboy. Yount came off mute. “Can you please just pay me more instead?” he asked. “No, this is psychologically proven stuff for better retention,” said Moleboy. “You know what else is psychologically proven for better retention? Teammates that can actually catch the freaking ball!” said Marichal. “Look, Marichal, at the end of the day, it is what it is,” said Moleboy. “That doesn’t freaking mean anything! I’m taking PTO for the next month,” said Marichal. “Well, guess that means the rest of you will have to start pulling more weight,” said Moleboy. “Or, you know, you could hire somebody else instead of forcing us to work unpaid OT to do it,” said Rollie Fingers, who had just given up the go-ahead solo home run to Vladimir Guerrero in the top of the 11th. “No,” said Moleboy.

Faustoan Bargain was quite pleased at his team’s hot start. “First, we plundered the coffers of Beavorton Bonafide Corps, and soon we will finish our pillaging of the great Camden and all of their construction equipment! It might’ve cost us Vladimir, but what’s one soul when you can have a ticket to the Super League? This deal with the devil was a true bargain. One might even call it a Firstian Bargain. Because we are in first. For being good. At least, I think that’s what’s the phrase is. Maybe it’s a Fastian Bargain? A Fistian Bargain? Ooh, a Feistian Bargain! That’s probably it. The Misanthropes will Feistian Bargain their way to the top!”


“tadashi, I told you to wake me if my alarm doesn’t!” Clown Fundamentals pleaded as she stumbled out of their bedroom, late for school. “Well, champ, maybe you should try pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps and not give up three runs in the top of the first inning next time,” said tadashi in his classic deadpan delivery as a laugh track plays. A funky bassline plays as Clown Fundamentals starts trying to eat breakfast, a normal spread of cereal, milk, fruit, and… a Kit Kat bar? “tadashi, why is there a Kit Kat bar left out for breakfast?” Clown Fundamentals asked in bewilderment. “Heh, I love my Jim Kaat so much that I got the fun sized version of him for you. It’ll bend, but doesn’t break. Or is it the other way around?” tadashi wondered as a laugh track played and Jim Kaat pitched 8 innings giving up 7 hits and 2 runs.

The scene transitions from morning to evening as a tired Clown Fundamentals comes home. “Man, I’m so sick of school. Every one of my batters can get a hit, and I still can find a way to lose the game anyway! I’ll never be the big girl on campus now,” said Clown Fundamentals as the live studio audience awwed. She went downstairs to find tadashi watching a baseball game. “What are you watching and will it make me feel good?” she asked. “Oh, this? This is just a re-run of the earlier Centrists-Buzzsaw game. I’d turn something else on, but there’s nothing good on TV these days,” tadashi said as a laugh track played. “Well, whatever. Baseball is just an extension of school. You’re either the biggest girl on campus, or just some loser relegated to Ds and Fs,” Clown Fundamentals sobbed. Tadashi came over and put his arm around Clown Fundamentals. “You know, champ, sometimes, the truth is in the middle,” tadashi said, and the crowd applauded. Al Simmons then hit an RBI single up the middle to make the game 4-1. “Art imitates life,” he said, as a laugh track played.

“This game sucks. Why aren’t the Buzzsaw winning?” Clown Fundamentals asked as Mike Piazza hit a solo shot in the 7th to make it a 5-1 ballgame. “Patience, champ. See, life is like baseball. Sometimes, you gotta go for the small ball instead of the long ball, and be happy with what you have,” said tadashi as the Buzzsaw scored two runs in the bottom of the 7th off a ground out and a two out single. “Yeah, but I want to hit a home run and win at life by being the big girl on campus,” Clown Fundamentals said, annoyed that the Buzzsaw gave up another run in the top of the 9th. “Well, champ, maybe take what Al Simmons did there for inspiration. He’s just a catcher, a cog in the wheel like all of us. But when he hit that single in the top of the 9th, he decided to be the best cog in the wheel he could be and hustled to second for an extra base. Clown, you could be the best cog in the wheel if you wanted to be,” tadashi said as the studio audience cheered.

Clown Fundamentals thought about it as she watched the bottom of the 9th. “Maybe I could be the best cog in the wheel ever?” Her feelings gained conviction as she watched Chipper Jones score on a one-out double by Ernie Banks to make it a 6-4 ballgame. “Maybe I’ll be the biggest cog in the campus?” Clown Fundamentals thought in a voiceover. Then those feelings grew more after Hank Aaron hit a two-out RBI single to bring the Buzzsaw within one. “No more maybes. I WILL be the biggest cog on campus!” Clown Fundamentals thought. But just as she was about to tell the know-it-all tadashi that, Yogi Berra grounded out to end the game, and the Buzzsaw had lost 6-5 to the Centrists. Deflated and angry, Clown Fundamentals stormed out of the living room while yelling “Life is crap!” “Don’t you dare use that language, young woman! Or else mom’s gonna know and you’re really gonna get it!” tadashi yelled back. Clown Fundamentals stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry. “That’s it! No wins for a week!” yelled tadashi, and the episode ended.


SENADORES LEARN BEST BUSINESS PRACTICES, BEAT BONAFIDES 12-11

“Welcome to Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq HQ, mr. Oystertoadfish. Where the software is you, and the hardware is we!” said the front desk secretary of the Beaverton Bonafides to oystertoadfish. The owner of the San Juan Senadores was on another tour of the world. Last year, his mission was the world’s barbecue. Unfortunately, his assignment from the San Juan government this year is far more boring: modern business practices. As such, he traveled to Beaverton, the most forward thinking business capital in the world, to meet with the SCRUM Master: Moleboy. “Thank you,” oystertoadfish replied to the secretary as they started to walk through the building to Moleboy’s office.

The facilities in Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq HQ were a little odd, and oystertoadfish must’ve shown it on his face as the secretary chimed in during the walk. “Oh, the workers here love their open floor office where every desk is a ping pong table. Most of them take breaks by playing ping pong with their laptops! And I know the drip feeds are a little odd-looking, but it provides everyone the nutrition they need to live without ever having to move!” the secretary said. Oystertoadfish decided not to look around anymore and instead spaced out until they arrived at Moleboy’s office. “And here we are!” the secretary said. “Thanks again,” oystertoadfish replied, as he opened the door shaped like a man’s face with very well-groomed facial hair.

“Oystertoadfish! My man, or oystertoadfish,” Moleboy said as the ambassador walked in. “Secret handshake!” Moleboy continued. He walked up to oystertoadfish and put out his hand. When oystertoadfish put his out to shake it, Moleboy instead started what appeared to oystertoadfish an odd dance and clearly expected oystertoadfish to do the same. Oystertoadfish instead let the moment pass, and said “Pleasure to meet you, CEO Moleboy.” “Please. CEO Moleboy was my father’s name. Er. I mean, I built Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq HQ with nothing but my dreams, hard work, and fun! Can’t forget the fun,” said Moleboy. “No offense, Moleboy, but how does fun build a good business?” oystertoadfish asked.

“Heh, fun is why companies like Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq HQ are taking over the world. See, the hot thing right now is what’s called a ‘work-life’ balance. Where you balance the amount of time and energy you spend on your job with the time and energy you spend on your life. Most people want that to be 50-50 at worst, and ideally 100-0 life-work at best. So what we try to do is make work SO fun that our workers want their work-life balance to be 100-0 work-life! After all, in prehistoric times, humans had to work 100% of the time in hunts and survival, so we’re naturally born to find work fun!” said Moleboy.

Oystertoadfish struggled to come up with a response. “Again, I truly mean no disrespect, Moleboy, but that sounds dangerous. If no one has a life outside of work, how do you expect them to have kids, or enjoy their hobbies?” he asked. “Oh, no need to worry about the kids part. We force all employees to sire as many children as possible in our special Romp Rooms. We completely support all LGBTQ+ employees, but anyone that comes to work for Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq HQ knows that they have to have kids one after the other. They can have whatever sexual relationships they want outside of work,” said Moleboy. “Even asexual employees? And how do they find a relationship outside of work if the work-life balance is 100-0?” asked oystertoadfish. “Ha ha ha, well, oystertoadfish, it’s getting pretty late, and I gotta go back into the SCRUM to make sure our team can complete their sprint and the comeback against the San Juan Senadores. If they don’t, well… let’s just say they’ll be taken off of their drip feeds for a week and leave it at that. Secret handshake!” Moleboy offered his hand again, but oystertoadfish had already left Beaverton as fast as he could with a 12-11 victory.


FIGHTIN,CSVS FIGHT BACK AGAINST BUZZSAW TO WIN 8-7 FROM DOWN 5-0 AND 7-5

“It’s just not my day.” Clown Fundamentals was feeling down. She had just flunked the test, and now her fantasy fantasy baseball team had the worst record in the Subpar League. “I’ll never be the big woman on campus at this rate,” she glumly said while kicking a rock. “Hey, kid, wanna be a contenda?” a mysterious voice asked Clown Fundamentals. “Wha? Zuh? Golly gee, me? A contender?” Clown Fundamentals replied. “That’s right, kid, a contenda,” said the mysterious voice, now coming out of the dark alley. “But you’re—“ said Clown Fundamentals. “Thassright, it’s me. Da ol’ champ,” said PASS THE MASH.

“Gasp! You were the biggest man on campus ever! I bet if I trained under you, I wouldn’t flunk the test, or have the worst fantasy fantasy baseball team, and I’d finally be the big woman on campus!” said Clown Fundamentals. “Is gonna cost ya, kid. I don’ do nuttin’ for free,” said PASS THE MASH. “I didn’t think you did much of anything after the big incident 25 years ago,” said Clown Fundamentals. “Youse remember dat? Hoo boy. I guess my reputashon proceeded without me,” said PASS THE MASH. “Youse and errybody else don’t undastand. I was set up! Hoodwinked! Robbed!”

“Really? I seem to remember that you got into hard liquor and harder drugs, which was the cause of the incident. But I’m totally fine with that if you can just make sure that I’m the big woman on campus!” said Clown Fundamentals. “Now dassa what I like ta hear,” said PASS THE MASH. “You’ll go far, kid.” An hour later, the two of them were in a nearby park with baseball gloves and a baseball. “Now, kid, in order ta be da big shot on campus, you gotta be willin to take a shot,” said PASS THE MASH. “I understand, Mash Sir! But, uh, what does that have to do with playing catch in the park?” said Clown Fundamentals. PASS THE MASH shook his head. “Kids dese days… listen, when you flunked the test, what happened?” said PASS THE MASH, tossing the ball to Clown Fundamentals. “I, uh, didn’t study for it?” replied Clown Fundamentals, tossing it back. “Wrong. You didn’t study for life. See, tests are like playing catch. You gotta come with a glove,” said PASS THE MASH. “Gosh, Mr. Mash, I’m already feeling better already!” said Clown Fundamentals as they continued to play catch.

The game of catch continued to last for a while as it started to get dark. “Mr. Mash, I think it’s about time for me to get home. I really appreciate you helping me take my mind off flunking the test and my fantasy fantasy baseball team, but I can’t be the big woman on campus if I keep running away from my problems forever! Thanks for everything,” said Clown Fundamentals as she walked up to PASS THE MASH, giving him the baseball back. “No problem kid. Hey… wanna see a glimpse of when I was da big man on campus?” said PASS THE MASH. “I would love to, Mr. Mash!” said Clown Fundamentals. PASS THE MASH threw the baseball straight into the window of a closed shop, instantly shattering it. He proceeded to then steal the shop’s merchandise before running away. “So long, kid! Hope ya get to be the big woman on campus!” PASS THE MASH yelled as sirens wailed. “Gee, it’s just not my day,” Clown Fundamentals thought as the police proceeded to arrest her.


BUZZSAW CLIMB OUT OF WORST RECORD AT NEARLY THE WORST TIME, COMEBACK OVER CSVS

Clown Fundamentals wasn’t able to prove that she wasn’t responsible for the petty vandalism that cops had arrested her for back in week 5, but the cops let her go if she was able to bring in the real criminal. She only had three weeks to work with, and had to run her sub-par baseball team, AND try to be the big woman on campus, AND prepare for the big dance that was coming up. Life was tough for Clown Fundamentals, and it was about to get tougher as her sub-par team continued to perform well below their talent level. But it was about to be her big break: the Buzzsaw were about to play PASS THE MASH’s The,Fightin’,CSVs in Camden, and she knew that she would have her chance to bring the once-contender to justice.

And she knew exactly how to find PASS THE MASH: by kicking a rock. “Gee, I’ll never be the big woman on campus,” Clown Fundamentals said, while kicking a rock. “Hey, kid, you wanna be a conte—oh it’s just youse again,” said PASS THE MASH. “Golly gee! It’s PASS THE MASH again!” said Clown Fundamentals. “Whaddaya want? I’m sorry for wat happened da last time, but it worked out pretty well for da both of us, I’d say,” said PASS THE MASH. “Yes, your team shot to the top of the Royal Division while mine, uh, started to get a better Pythagorean record. But, golly gee, mister. I’m still not the big woman on campus! I’d really appreciate it if you could somehow find the time to train me again. Please?” said Clown Fundamentals.

“Awright kid, but only because I got such a soft spot for da undadog,” said PASS THE MASH. “This is totally tubular! What do you have in store today?” said Clown Fundamentals. “Well, uh, this is a little embarrassing to say, but I only know how to play catch,” said PASS THE MASH. How on earth did this guy become a contender only by playing catch? Clown Fundamentals thought to herself. “No, that sounds great! I’d love to catch yo—I mean, play catch! I’d love to catch, uh, your spirit,” said Clown Fundamentals. “Ey dat’s what I like da hear!” said PASS THE MASH.

The two of them were once again at the park, playing catch. “Ey, I gotta ask, why you want to be a contenda so bad?” asked PASS THE MASH. “Well, Mr. PASS THE MASH sir, it’s because my great grandma was a contender, my grandma was a contender, and my mother was a contender. We have a contender lineage, and I’m the first one that’s in danger of failing to keep that going,” said Clown Fundamentals glumly. “Ey, don’t worry about it kid. Family is thicker than water. They’ll still love ya,” said PASS THE MASH. “I hope you’re right. They certainly don’t like their kid being a criminal,” said Clown Fundamentals. “Oh, jeez. Sorry about dat. I really needed that stuff though—no hard feelings?” said PASS THE MASH.

Clown Fundamentals smirked as she caught the ball back from PASS THE MASH. “Not anymore. Boys, I found the real criminal! He’s at the only park in Camden that’s not on fire!” she yelled into the baseball. “Wuzzat? What’s going on? Why you talkin’ to a ball?” PASS THE MASH asked. “Heh, this is a special baseball/microphone that’s specially wired to the police. You’ll be going to prison for your breaking and entering, I’ll be fully cleared, my family will love me, and I’ll finally be the big woman on campus!” said Clown Fundamentals. “Hey, kid. Real contenda’s neva squeal,” said PASS THE MASH. “Real contenders never steal!” said Clown Fundamentals with a smirk.

As sirens started to close in around the duo, PASS THE MASH didn’t look too worried. “Why aren’t you running?” asked Clown Fundamentals. “Why should I? I told ya that I became a contenda through my catch skills, didn’t I?” said PASS THE MASH. “What on earth does that have to do with anything?” asked Clown Fundamentals. “Well, youse and the cops ain’t ever gonna ‘catch’ me!” said PASS THE MASH, as he bolted from Camden. “Drat! I was this close from finally clearing my name. But he didn’t escape with the win. Perhaps I couldn’t ‘catch’ him this battle, but I may ‘catch’ him in the war. The division war! Hmm, that might’ve been too strained,” said Clown Fundamentals.


BOKONONISTS COMEBACK NOT ENOUGH, LOSE TO BONAFIDES

Monicro awoke at the bottom of the 9th inning. She found her team was playing the Beaverton Bonafides. A decent team that appeared to be tanking for a high sub-par draft pick, not unlike her own grand ambitions. As such, she was not surprised to see her Bokononists carrying a 5-4 lead when George Brett walked up to the plate. Billy Wagner missed with his first two pitches, and served up a 99 MPH fastball that George Brett swung at, but as he made contact, Monicro had passed out again.

Monicro awoke in the top of the 6th inning. She found her team was playing the team owned by the only man who read every Super League update. With her team down 5-0, she realized just how much of an advantage actually reading the updates gave to those who read. Though Monicro knew her pitching core was key to her team’s success, her offense was no slouch either. She saw her core of Speaker, Sisler, and Gehrig load the bases. Then Johnny Mize hit a two-run single, Willie Keeler smacked an RBI single, and Enos Slaughter came up with the bases loaded, two outs, and the Bokononists down 5-3. “Slaughter…” Monicro thought to herself, as Enos made contact with the ball, and she passed out again.

Monicro awoke in the bottom of the 11th inning. Her Bokononists had been locked in an endless struggle against the hipsters of the Super League, and yet she had somehow slept through all of it? That couldn’t have been right. A little groggy, she braved the bizarre Portland corporate jungle that the Beavertons played in. Moleboy deliberately set up his team’s ballpark in a breakroom of Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq. HQ so his employees could have some fun entertainment to watch when taking a break (of only 15 minutes before being forcibly led back to their workstations by handlers). She started looking around for the best-groomed man in the building, Moleboy, when Orlando Cepeda struck a one-out single. Rickey Henderson advanced Cepeda when Monicro found Moleboy at the top of a staircase with a cheery sign saying “There are no elevators to success, you must take the stairs”. Moleboy saw her, and appeared to start hurriedly packing up. Seeing this, Monicro sped up. But George Brett made contact, and Monicro passed out again.

Monicro awoke before her team’s scheduled game against the Bonafides. She ate, got dressed, and drove over to Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq. HQ to meet up with Moleboy for the customary pre-game gyro lunch. When she got there, Moleboy had already set up the banquet. “Hey, Monicro! Great to see you. Hey, super funny story: You’ll never believe this. So, I was trying to set up a meeting with a new client for Bonafide Corp. Ltd. LLC Esq. HQ, and, being the nice guy I am, I let the client choose the time. So, get this, he schedules a Teams Meeting at 8:30 PM! PM!” Monicro realized at that point that there was a punchline, and politely laughed. “So of course I immediately responded and asked if they meant 8:30 AM, but they didn’t get back to me. So the day of the meeting rolls around, and I send them a Teams Meeting invite at 8:30 AM, and you know what the client responds with?” Monicro shook her head after a few seconds, clearly having spaced out. “’Sorry, I’m unable to attend at 8:30 AM, can we please meet at 2 PM?’ Bwahahahaha!” Moleboy said. Trying to understand how any of this was funny or interesting, Monicro passed out.


Well, that’s all of the “good” ones for now. I’ll probably put up the best of the second half as well if I don’t get cold feet. Or think of anything better.

About pungry

Making strained metaphors funny.
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1 Response to The Best of the First Half of Subpar Season XX

  1. Lots of good moments in the best of the first half of subpar season XX!

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