Category Archives: Uncategorized

Coldplay’s New Song Implies There’s A Higher Power Than Coldplay, Which Is Impossible


Coldplay’s new track “Higher Power” has Chris Martin singing “you’ve got a higher power” repeatedly for the chorus. And, frankly, that’s ridiculous. No one in the universe has a higher power than Coldplay. I bet if Vegeta scanned Chris Martin, … Continue reading

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Nintendo Leaker Vindicated By Direct Mentioning “Mario”


Prominent Nintendo leaker “DecayDonkeyKong” gazed into his crystal ball, and correctly foretold that the beloved video game company would announce the name “Mario” during the most recent Nintendo Direct. In his now-deleted tweet (deleted in order to protect his sources, … Continue reading

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Blue Coins in Your Apartment Super Mario Sunshine Guide


Super Mario Sunshine is a great game, but it can be difficult to find all 240 blue coins to 100% it. Especially when you thought you collected all of the ones in a certain act, but actually missed some. That’s … Continue reading

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Rationalizing Slay the Spire Relics


Slay the Spire is a “player-versus-enemy” roguelike card game. In it, a player is tasked with assembling a deck that can slay the titular spire. Along the way, the player can also receive items called relics that give the player … Continue reading

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Where are these Mushroom Kingdom Stadiums, and how much do they cost?


I love the Mario sports games. They’re insanely fun, infinitely replayable, and extremely rich in Mushroom Kingdom lore. In a passive, Dark Souls-ian way, of course. The RPGs are much more explicit in how they flesh out the Mushroom Kingdom … Continue reading

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Flying Boss Breaks Floating Platform Hero is On


The Hero of Lemrule finally met his match in his quest to save the world. Flying terror Ashkasha, who ravaged the village of Kortiga last month in a one-man air raid, lured the hero into a dank dungeon just outside … Continue reading

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Soccer Coach Uses LoL Tactics


High school junior, soccer team forward, and aspiring professional League of Legends gamer James Byrd recently became the coach of his younger brother’s middle-school soccer team. An opening appeared when the Bakersfield Bandits’ previous coach was disbarred from the league … Continue reading

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YOUR SLXXIX Mark Bellhorn Preview


Long-time owner, first-time writer for the Super League here. Frankly, I’m very bad at evaluating players in the Super League. Just look at my all-time winning percentage! But no one else wanted to do it, so I figured I should … Continue reading

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Local Man Angry That Somebody is Enjoying New Video Game


Local man Sicnarf Loopstok is reportedly angry that another local man is enjoying the new video game The Last of Paper Mario: Part II. “I just can’t stand these goddanged sheeple that think UNintelligent [emphasis sic] Systems or Naughty-Good-Developer, Dog … Continue reading

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Governor Pungry Goes into Phase 4 of Opening Boggly Woods Despite Outbreak of X-Nauts in Great Tree to Celebrate 10th Anniversary of Freedom from Lord Crump


This Friday marks the 10th anniversary of The Great Tree’s independence from the hostile takeover of Lord Crump. The heroic Mario Mario, of the famous Mario brothers, teamed up with Pungry to save the Punis as well as the rest … Continue reading

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